Monday, January 28, 2008



My humble apologies for not getting to write for so long. We definitely live in a different time zone here, everything moving at a very slow pace. African time, they call it. Anywhere we go takes at least an hour or more by car or by foot.
Last week I got to second a friend and his partner on a 3 day canoe (think sea kayak) race down the Duzi river from Pietermaritzburg to Durban, a distance of 120km on the river. There were over 2000 participants in the race, mostly in double canoes. For those in the know it would be like going down the Owyhee river in a seak kayak, a crazy undertaking. Needless to say there was much chaos and carnage on the river, broken boats, frayed tempers and blood, sweat and tears on the long portages. Steve and James did well and survived unscathed. Tomorrow we will join James (an ornithologist for the provincial parks in Kwazulu-Natal) in capturing and ringing some birds at a wetland area. The boys are getting into bird watching since there’s such a huge variety here and they’re easy to see.
We’re making progress on the Lapa ( lodge) in preparation for the Men’s wild at heart camp thet we will be hosting on Feb 8th. Becky is preparing menu’s and shopping lists as well as putting together a brochure for this place which now finally has a name. “Kululapa” means “come and be free” a bit like make yourself at home, but the emphasis of the word is freedom. Coming into real relationship with Jesus results in freedom.
Resources are rather limited, so we’re “making do” with what materials and tools we can scrounge up from hither and yon. The place will end up looking very rustic as a result, but that will fit in nicely with the environment and the groups of men that it is meant for. I will take plenty of pictures and some video, so if I still can’t figure out how to get them on the blog, at least we will be able to show you when we get home. The whole place has been built by men needing to get away from it all for a while and get their hands dirty, fathers and sons needing time together and others who just wanted to give of themselves for a time. As a result it’s more a labor of love than a monument to building skill. It’s now my responsibility to take all the crookedness and character and pull it together into a cohesive useful space. Some days I just spend hours looking at it and wondering how on earth to make it work. It’s a good challenge.
We are enjoying going to church at Shalom very much. I’ve enjoyed getting together with Mark Poree the pastor to chat a couple of times. He has a Kingdom perspective like few people that I know and it’s very inspiring to be taught by him. Yesterday I got to work with him and another pastor and a few of the church staff doing some building in a warehouse that is going to be used for feeding aids orphans from a local squatter camp, as well as a housing the church that they are planting in that community. The sad event of the day was when Keldan and I were driving home, unbeknown to me the water pump died on our little Russian Lada 4x4 resulting in some major damage to the engine. Keldan and I were stranded about 45 min from home until a kind neighbor that I managed to get hold of came and towed us home in the mud and the rain. So our character filled vehicle is unserviceable for the foreseeable future. But with every crisis comes provision, so I look forward to seeing what comes of this. At the very least it will end up with me increasing my skills as a motor mechanic.
On the home front I think that I have come to the beginnings of a breakthrough in being a dad. It’s easy to become a dad by default, a result of marriage and an idealistic view of parenthood. However when the reality of fathering 3 sons sets in, the good idea of family as a priority after relationship with Jesus, soon just becomes lip service as I find escape from the pain of failure in tasks, busyness, discipline and many other ways of not really engaging. Coming here I thought that with all the time in the world available, I would make the most of the opportunity to be with by boys and do things with them. However, the reality is that it’s not a fundamental desire or commitment on my part to be a dad, only a good idea that’s much easier said than done. So with that realization of the truth of my actual position, I’m faced with the choice: Do I continue to parent the way I have been, as a (necessary, but unpleasant) responsibility that comes with having kids? Or: Do I commit myself to loving Becky as Jesus loved the church and gave himself up for her and love my children in the same way, committing myself so sacrificing my life for their sake because they are of inestimable value to me?
I keep thinking of Abraham, called the Father of faith. When he believed God’s promises to him, he committed to living his life accordingly, even though he never did get to see the fulfilment of the promise. He lived his life for the next generation. That’s tough for me since I’m a results person. I like to sit back at the end of the day and see something for my labor. Parenting is not so easy, I can’t control how my children will turn out and if I try, it seems I mostly do damage. Parenting, I’m beginning to realise is a journey of faith. I sow love and presence, care, discipline and time into the boys God has given me and then they choose what they will do with that. I can’t control the outcome, God doesn’t even control the outcome. He always lets us choose. Wow that is love. Anyway I could ramble on for a long time about this as it has filled my thoughts and prayers and conversations with Becky for many days now. Suffice to say that repentance means turning away from my old direction and facing a new way, hand in hand with God’s grace. It seems impossible that he could change my heart so deeply, but I know from experience that with Him all things are possible. Lord I believe, help my unbelief.
So the journey continues.

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