A contemplation on friendship.


A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother. Prov 18v24

Oil and perfume may gladden the heart, but the sweetness of a friend comes from his earnest council. Prov 27v9

A friend loves at all times and a brother is born for adversity Prov 17v17

Greater love has no man than this that someone lay down his life for his friends
John 15v13

I remember a conversation several months ago in our men’s group regarding one of us who had been off on a missions trip. Before and during the process he had felt abandoned by the group, partly because he had not made his need known and partly because we had been too busy with our own lives to take note of his need. As I sit here in the dark forest of South Africa, (literally as it has been raining almost non stop since we got here, and spiritually as there is a strong oppressive spirit at work here) I realize how desperately I need my friends and the men that I walk with day to day in prayer and battle and the ordinary stuff of life.

I remember two years ago as we spent three months in Costa Rica, I came to a surprising realization who my true friends were. They were the ones who remembered me when I was gone and took the time to communicate with me in any possible way. They were the ones who kept me in touch with my world that I had left behind for a time, who kept me in touch with the ordinary parts of their lives day to day which are so important to me because I love them. I was surprised by those who did take the time to communicate and by those who I thought would, but didn’t. I don’t write this to shame anyone or guilt trip anyone into doing something that is not in their hearts to do. However, if it does stimulate you to think about who and what you are as a friend to me and to others as it has challenged me again, then some good has come of this contemplation. So, partially I am stating a need; the need for ongoing relationship in this place where everything is new and different even though I did live here a long time ago. I will leave here in a few months and return home to a community I love and have chosen to pour my life into and will have missed out on a portion of your lives that matter to me.

After all the busyness has passed, the jobs, the work, the gathering of more and more possessions when Jesus returns, all we will be left with are the relationships that we have invested in, the fruit of the sacrifice of our own busy agendas to give of our time and presence to those that we say we love as well as people we don’t yet know who could have become valuable friends had we taken the time to invest in them. I challenge myself in this as I struggle to leave behind the work (projects) that even here get between me and my family. I’m being challenged daily to put them aside for the sake of building time and presence with my boys and Becky. It is not easy, my default and selfish pleasure is to work alone with my hands and produce something, rather than do the dishes with my sons, walk into the forest with them and explore or just play a game that they like to play. I've been strugglig to even want to repent of this, but Jesus has created a need in me to change the atmosphere in my family and will do so when i ask Him to. So I'm asking and will you partner in prayer and in loving your friends and family with me. They shall know we are His disciples by our love for one another, nothing else will prove it quite so well.

Well, I’ll end by asking for your prayers for me in this regard, and asking for a few minutes out of your day from time to time to e mail a friend who misses your presence. It’s wonderful after I have trudged up the hill in the rain and mud to fight through a slow internet connection, wade through the junk e mail to finally get a personal word of news and encouragement from someone I love.